確信之炬
黃百肋博士英作
林鈺堂博士指導下
林成穗中譯
我在一九七四年首次遇上陳瑜伽士；自此之後，我們的交情有增無已。很難準確地說出我在哪時開始真正決意成為佛教徒，並如此宣稱；那是一步一步地發生的。我當年經常開車與他一起去火供、獻瓶、放生及超幽。我有幸能在一項計畫中使用大學的電腦幫助我這位尊敬的友人（陳瑜伽士）。我因而發表了一篇論文。他幫我從困於寫博士論文的泥沼中解脫出來—若當年缺少了他的援手，我不相信我會成功。在一九七七年，我接納了他的建議將一張佛像安在床頭，並每天向之祈禱。幾年後，我又接納了他的建議從十六世如來大寶法王領受了皈依。如上每一步均加深了我對佛法利益的體驗。
雷根總統經常說他與南茜結婚後人生才算開始。我可以說我在跟隨佛法後我的人生才開始！佛法打開了我生命的水閘！在那之前，我的生命就像一潭可悲的死水，哪也去不了。我當時除了維護那困境之外什麼也不懂，就像活在池塘底的青蛙，以為那就是大海。從我開始向佛陀祈禱的一刻開始，我的生命就越來越流暢，很快地達到了很驚人的程度。
大概是在一九七九到一九八一年，我無從確定日期，陳瑜伽士告訴我一件很重要的事。他告訴我他自己的經驗：從他成為佛教徒並追隨他的上師開始，他生命中所有重要的事情都是佛陀所引導的感應。這個教授很明確：當我們真誠地履踐此途後，再沒有任何事情是偶然的。他告訴我，不論遇到怎樣的困難都要深信—不管那些困難有多惡劣—那些其實並非真是麻煩，而是佛陀神聖的安排。他很清楚地如此告訴我！若非有了這個確信，我不知道我怎樣可以承受得了我不久後就遭遇到的困境。不過有了此一確信後，那些就不再是困境；我只是依照著一個計畫走向一個更好的未來。有時我需要等待很長時間才能解決一些十分不如意的情況，要等待數月，有時甚至是數年。然而最終的結果永遠是最出人意表，並且比我原本可以期望的結果要好得多。因此回顧過去，我其實過得非常容易！！所有事都由護法替我解決了！！
二○○三年八月廿八日
加州 山景城
林鈺堂博士跋：
黃百肋以往已曾多次告訴我上述的反思。最近由於世界性經濟不景氣，很多佛友都遇到了困難。因此我請他寫下他跟隨佛法之道二十餘年以來的體驗，以便與其他佛友分享，以助他們堅定信心和度過難關。
Torch of Certainty Dr. Juan Bulnes
I met Yogi Chen in 1974 and our friendship grew by and by. It is not easy to say exactly when I committed myself to being Buddhist and declaring so: it happened by and by. I often drove with him to the Pujas. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to help my revered friend (Yogi Chen) with a university computer in a project. I published a paper as a result. He helped me to get unstuck in the quagmire of writing a Ph.D. thesis -- I don't believe I would have made it without his help. In 1977 I took his advice to put a Buddha image over my bed and to pray to it daily. A couple of years later I took his advice to take refuge from H.H. the 16th Karmapa. Each of these steps deepened my experience of the benefits of Buddhism.
President Reagan used to say that he began to live when he married Nancy. I can say that I began to live when I began following Buddhism!! It unlocked the floodgates of life! Before, my life had been a sorry case of stanched water that does not flow anywhere; one is just trying to protect the misery and does not know anything else, like the frog at the bottom of the pond who thinks that is the ocean. From the moment I started praying to Buddha, it started flowing more and more -- very rapidly -- to a very surprising extent.
At about that time, perhaps around 1979-1981, I cannot be sure, Yogi Chen told me something very important. He told me about his own experience: how, from the moment he became Buddhist and started following his guru, every important event in his life was inspired by Buddha. The teaching was clear: when we sincerely tread this path, there are no accidental events any more! He told me to have faith that whatever difficulties I encountered -- no matter how awful they seemed -- were in fact not troubles but a divine plan of Buddha. He explicitly told me so! Without that certainty, I don't know how I would have been able to bear the troubles that I soon encountered. But with this certainty, they were not troubles; I was just following a plan towards a better future. Sometimes I had to wait long for resolution of very undesirable situations: to wait many months, even years in some cases. And the final results were always most unexpected, surprising, and in the end much better than what I could have wished for myself. So in retrospect I had it very easy!! Everything was resolved for me by the Dharma protectors!!
August 28, 2003
Mountain View, California
Dr. Yutang Lin's comment:
Juan told me the above reflection many times in the past. Recently, due to worldwide economic downturn, many Buddhist friends are experiencing hardships. So I asked him to write down his experience of following the Buddhist path for over twenty years, in order to share it with other Buddhists and thereby help them to cultivate their faith and overcome the hard times.
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